The Beginning

There are so many sides to me, and yes, I am a complex person. And for good reason. There is so much that I have endured and I will continue to overcome the obstacles that I have faced in the last ten years. My journey has not been and easy one and there are days that I still feel like I am never going to make it. There is no use giving up. I have those boys who desperately need me to be there for them. I can’t imagine what would happen to them as they become adults if I just vanished. The one thing that keeps me going is that they need me.


I have always had it pretty good. Dorchester, Massachusetts is my home. I grew up in a very tight knit community. Everyone knew everyone. I got into trouble, but my parents found out not long after. My parents, Jake and Judi. My mother was the epitome of a single mother before Jake came along. She busted her ass taking care of my sister and I after my biological father got deported back to Canada. I was seven and no one really knows what happened, but the story I heard was that he swung a bat at a guy he got in a drunken fight with and hit a two year girl instead. He came back once when his sister, who still lives here, had a heart attach. He gave us a whole 30 minutes of his time and then told us he had to go. That man met someone in Canada, they got married, and he had another little girl. I was so hopeful for him. I thought, "This is his chance to redeem himself". He screwed his second family and did the same exact thing to that little girl that he did to my sister and I. Now I hear he is in Canada strung out on crack.


My mother moved us in an apartment above the pizza shop she worked at because she couldn’t afford a babysitter. I remember her running up to check on us in between customers. She met Jake, who worked for the City of Boston and came into see her all the time. I am not how their whole courtship took place as I was seven years old, but they fell in love and in August 1988 they got married. Jake has been my father since then. He drove me nuts as a teenager, but I love him dearly. He makes my mom happy and she deserves it. He did for us things my mother could have never done alone.


My sister, Tanya, was the baby in the family. She was really little when my father starting messing up. Apparently, I adored her when we were little. We are only fourteen months apart and I think because we spent so much time alone when we were younger that we felt sometimes we only had each other. My sister has been my closest friend throughout my entire life. We got into some pickles being two curious, little girls. My favorite has to be when I sprayed her in the face with my mother’s mace. Or the time that I was jumping on the bunk bed and it collapsed on top of her. Besides those times there have been many times when we were there for each other when the other one needed her to be,.


Growing up in Dorchester was an experience but one that I would love to live again. My best friend in middle school was Tina. We were inseparable for years. She lived one street over from me and we spent all of our time together. Middle school was when I found boys and that was the beginning of the end. It was Steven was first caught my eye. In middle school I was having a hard time with the boys in general. I inherited my mother’s huge chest at eleven years old. I got my period with my Rainbow Bright underwear on and my acne was horrible. I was a middle school boys dream target and they would make fun of me relentlessly. I had a lot of friends, but loyalty with my friends didn’t start until high school.


Steven was this adorable little thing from the projects. He was nice enough and he was super nice when just him and I were hanging out. When other people were around he wasn’t so nice. One day he called my name right before math class was about to begin. I turned around and he is mouthing what looks like "I love you" to me. I was thirteen and thrilled that a boy loved me. So I mouth it back. Him and all his friends start cracking up laughing. "Ha, ha", he says, "I said elephant juice". Mouth elephant juice and you will see what it looks like. I felt so stupid. One of many times during my days at the middle school.


Tina had a thing for Steven’s friend Chris. They were actually a little hot and heavy for us being so young. Christmas came and Tina brings Chris and Steven gold herringbone chains as a Christmas gift. The two of them are thrilled and I am pissed. Who does she think she is giving my boyfriend a Christmas present? Come to find out, when her mother was away she rummaged through the house to find what she got for Christmas. She found the two chains that happen to be her gift and stole them to give them to the boys. The kicker was that she had to ask for the chains back from them. Not for nothing, I smiled a little bit when I found out.

More to come soon!!